New to Blogging

I never thought of myself as a blogger. I barely even read blogs. What I am is someone who wants to post how much I love my kids, love my husband and am trying to love myself.

What I am looking for is a way to talk to no one in particular. I have some friends, I have some family, and I know I have people who love me but I just don't want to talk to them about this.

Here is my hope: I want to find a way to be real about what I need to do - without anyone knowing who I am.

Here is my first confession: 3 months ago I weighed 302 pounds. I am absolutely in horror of this. It seems like just yesterday I was getting married and I was complaining about being 218 pounds. It was 8 years ago. I am only 30 years old. How is that possible? (Not the being 30 but it only taking 8 years to gain 100 pounds!) Sure, I was 22 years old when I got married. Sure, I have had 2 kids since then. Sure, I did not watch what I ate (most of the time, occassionally I would try a new diet or something but mostly - ate what I wanted).

Here is my second confession: I wear a size 24. This also surprises me. I don't know why. What, did I really expect to be able to wear a size 12 when I weigh 300+ pounds? Ha.

Here is my last confession: I eat in secret. Obviously I eat in front of my husband as well, even more often in front of my kids (sometimes eating their food too *cringe*). But mostly, I try to eat where nobody else can see me. Why is that? Why do I feel like I need to hide my large, 300+ pound self? Heck where can I even hide? *smirk*

So what I have decided is to put it all out there. Literally. Here are all my darkest secrets exposed for anyone with a good search engine to find.

There are a few things that made me laugh and cry at the same time - usually having to do with my kids.

1. One time I kissed my daughters belly button. She giggled and thought it was funny to kiss mine. She raised my shirt and found my belly button. But rather than kiss it, she started poking at my tummy and making it jiggle. I wanted to cry but I made it look like I was laughing. I write this and kind of laugh but really - it says something about why I need to do this.

2. Last week my 4-year-old daughter tried on my underwear. She could put her arms through the leg holes - with her legs in the leg holes. HOLY CRAP!

3. My son (11-months-old) likes to sit on the large part of my tummy right beneath my breasts (which are all but non-existent - hey, that is just NOT fair to be so huge and have no boobs)!

4. When a couple has sex, suction noises should not come from tummies. Enough said.

5. I had to travel on business two weeks ago, I had to borrow a seatbelt extender from the flight attendant after the demonstration.

OK, well that is enough examples for now. Probably more than enough honesty for one day.


The main reason I decided to start this today - this is my first day on Weight Watchers. It is my first step to a non-suctioning, non-jiggling, non-kid-sitting-on-my-tummy, only the one seatbelt me. I am going to find the strength and determination to lose the weight. Maybe trying to make some confessions here will help me on my way.


"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt